This will be a two part blog on accountability and society. The first part will be an example of one of the biggest problem areas our country is suffering: obesity and exercise. The second part will be how accountability affects us in our lives (friends, career, relationships).
So as I sit here, I've been listening to two people and their completely different perspectives on life. I get to thinking about accountability and the complete lack of it in our society. I guess my first step would be to explain how those two people and their different views got my mind swirling with an assortment of observations. The first of which was the vastly different paths they were on. One is slipping further down a dangerous path that is threatening her health, and her relationships with people around her. The other, is feeling better then he has ever felt and is moving towards his goals at a rapid pace.
I feel one of the greatest faults of my generation (generation x) and the younger generations is the lack of taking a look internally to try and figure out why you are where you are. Whether that is for good or bad. All too often people want to look at their circumstances and blame everyone around them for it. Everyone,that is but themselves. This is something everyone at one point or another does, and for the most part that just makes us human. While I understand this of everyone, it's not the occasional offender that worries me, but more the perpetual offenders that make me cringe.
Let's take the 1st person I was talking about initially. Here is a woman that is 47yrs old 340 lbs. Just attended a diabetic classes this past month, in which initially she lost weight, but then she regained it by the end of class. She works 2nd shift at a hotel. She eats only twice a day. Starting with breakfast (Rice Krispies, toast, banana) then she eats nothing till she gets home from work (10-11pm). Then she has a Weight Watchers meal and some veggies. She claims she "doesn't have time to eat" while she's at work. Her blood sugars are still in the 200s! The biggest surprise is she's frustrated the scale's not moving! When asked about exercise programs she says she has no interest in wanting to exercise, and shows no motivation for it. She complains she suffers "knee problems."
I sit back and think WOW. She is too busy looking at all the things that she feels are to blame for her conditions instead of actually looking at how much SHE is to blame for them. Look, let's be honest here for a moment. This woman is at least 200lbs overweight! It's not like she was walking around one day, rounded the corner and 200lbs jumped on her. She EARNED this weight. She needs to accept that. She needs to realize SHE did this. Unfortunately she isn't doing that. Her work is to blame, her knees are to blame, her metabolism, her genetics. She's pointing fingers in every direction but at the person looking back at her in the mirror.
Now despite what this woman believes she is in fact NOT a special case. She is sadly a rather COMMON case. My best friend (a dietitian at a hospital) and myself get this all the time in our line of work. People are constantly lining up excuse after excuse as to why they can't eat & exercise. I plan on addressing many of those "reasons" in a future blog segment on fitness and nutrition. I will show you why those excuses are, to put it bluntly BS.
But I think the bigger problem here is the lack of responsibility by this woman to acknowledge how much of her situation is a direct result of her laziness and inability to make positive choices. She could choose to pack a protein bar or cook and prep her meals in advance. She could eat a real breakfast. She could get more calories in and not eat a prepackaged sodium filled mini meal for dinner. She could go for a walk, or eat a salad with lunch. Bottom line is she chooses to be fat and deconditioned. The saddest part is it's unlikely that she will ever look to herself as the cause of her problems. And let's face it folks, we as a whole don't want to do that. Look at every ad for about anything. We want simple, easy, quick, and most of all painless solutions to all our problems.
Here is the 2nd scenario and the difference of why he is succeeding where the 1st one is not. He weighs 362lbs and works in a correction facility. He has to eat at the cafeteria for money reasons. He works odd shifts. He is borderline diabetic, and only 30yrs old! This man initially came to me and told me he wanted to lose over a 100lbs because he was already having blood pressure and sodium problems. He said he didn't really need my help he just had a couple quick questions. He told me he had gotten a nutrition plan off the internet and was lifting with a friend that was experienced (it should be noted that his friend with "experience" is 5'6" 350+lbs at about 47% body fat, and took a lifting class once in high school 12yrs ago.)This is also a very common case I run into. So instead of trying to argue with this guy all I did was ask what all he was doing and what I could do to help him. I listened to him and I gently suggested some changes. I will give him credit, for what he lacked in education he made up for it by researching and trying to educate himself on everything I told him about. He also has decided that if he is going to do this he was going to stick to it. His discipline, despite flack from friends and family has been incredible. The flack he gets from friends and family is a perfect example of how people want to continue to believe it's not them that is at fault. They see him overcome and push through the boundaries and excuses that they use for themselves and it angers them. They get jealous and bitter because he is showing them and making them see that the excuses and illusions they cling to are just that, excuses and illusions. Unfortunately this is a common theme that people who choose to change have to deal with from people who are unaccountable and unwilling to change.
A true example of this is his friend that he originally started working out with.
His friend didn't want to even talk to me due to his "experience". He felt nothing had changed in over a decade in the field of exercise science. So rather then waste time on this person, I turned my attention back to the gentleman that was open to change and asked him more about the details of his workout plan. After listening to him I offered to take him through one of my workouts. He told me after the workout that he felt like someone had beat him up. He was amazed it only took us about 20min to complete the workout. He loved it and started to ask me more questions about exercise and food. He has continued to get help from me for a couple months now. He finally came to me today and told me that he realizes that "his way" was what had gotten him to almost 400lbs and obviously he didn't know how to get where he wanted. He said since changing his nutrition to what I suggested and doing my workouts vs. working out with his friend he had lost 25lbs to his friend's 5lbs. He went on to say he feels the best that he has ever felt in his life! He couldn't hardly believe it! He said he didn't even know he felt bad till he started to feel good!
Now that is really exciting to hear! He was taking responsibility for all the choices he made that put him in such a serious health risk. He also wasn't afraid to admit that those choices weren't working and it was time to make new ones. Not only did he realize it and accept it, but he actually took the steps to CHANGE it. It's times like this that are so rare for me. I love when I talk to someone that has finally pulled the curtain back to see a giant mirror, and that the wizard pulling the strings is them. I feel like there is hope that more will follow. See for every one good success story I hear there are 30 unsuccessful stories. Unfortunately the common factor in those unsuccessful stories is most often that person and their lack of responsibility for their role in the results they have produced (or not produced).
This guy that is losing weight and building steam as he rockets towards his goals is taking responsibility for his role. He didn't tell me why he COULDN'T eat right at work. No, he sat down with me and we figured out HOW he could eat right at work! The lady that's gaining weight and starving herself is only telling us all the reasons she CAN'T. It's not only that but because of her inability to try and figure out HOW she can save herself, she will continue to kill herself. Diabetes will eventually claim her life if a heart attack or stroke don't first. And sadly before she'll give up that bowl of Rice Krispies at breakfast for that bowl of oatmeal, she'll give you a list of reasons why she can't take the extra 45 seconds to microwave it. You have to wonder when they remove her foot if it will ever occur to her she could have possibly changed this outcome? But most likely she'll sit back and blame her genetics, or some company for not creating a better med for her condition.
Well, puppets, this concludes part one of my observation into society. Stay tuned for part two and how this may help save your relationships, be it with your spouse, coworker, or best friend. And as always DANCE!
Mr J
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