Pointing The Finger In The Right Direction

Back in July I wrote a Blog on Child Obesity and whether it should be considered Child Abuse? To my surprise it was well received, even from parents of overweight children. I say to my surprise because I laid out what I feel is the real issue with Child Obesity: Parents. Now as September has rolled in with Childhood Obesity Awareness Month a fitness chain (Anytime Fitness) has launched a campaign called C.O.A.K. (Coalition Of Angry Kids) to try and point the finger at the real issue: Parents. The premise of the marketing campaign is to show that kids want to be healthier, but are subject to their parent's lazy and unhealthy lifestyles. It features overweight children expressing their frustrations at getting the sole blame for their health and weight. All the while they are stuck in the drive-thru lane because Mom and Dad didn't wanted to cook dinner.

Here is a link to the video.
http://wn.com/Meet_The_Coalition_of_Angry_Kids_COAK

I think that this is an excellent campaign. I think finally shifting some of the focus off of the children and putting it on the parents will help not only the children, but motivate and pressure parents to adopt a healthier more active lifestyle. Not only that, but I'm hoping it will encourage parents to be more involved with their children. The T.V., PS3 and XBOX 360 are not babysitters. I'm not accusing parents of absenteeism as much as lack of participation. My son and I go to skate parks all the time. Almost every time we're there I see mom's and dad's alike just sitting off to the side with their phones or magazines while their child desperately tries to get their attention or get them to "play" too. Now before you go on with "I'm not getting on a skateboard and killing myself." Keep in mind that sometimes just getting up and moving helps. My Dad and I often just run up and down the ramps on foot with my son. It's not just the skate parks that I see this trend, but at the real parks too. Parents just sit off to the side on benches and wait for their child or children to be finished playing.

Far too often now parents are minimizing how much they have to do in about everything. I mean lets face it, sitting at a desk all day then picking the kids up and heading home to do a few things around the house, then top it off by going out for dinner isn't exactly an active lifestyle. The biggest issues kids are facing aren't the outside factors (fast food/advertisements/school lunches) it's the internal factors (pop tart breakfasts, or no breakfast/drive-thru dinner or take out.) that are keeping kids from having and learning healthy choices. Maybe instead of letting your child pick out a sugary cereal you could take them into the produce aisle and let them pick out a vegetable or fruit to try. Cooking with your children is an excellent way to not only keep you from going out to eat, but to interact and teach your child a healthy habit. I have a standing agreement with my son that for every new food he tries I will take him to the Dollar Tree store and he can pick out a $1 toy for it.

Maybe instead of September being Child Obesity Awareness Month it should be Family Activity Month? In all honesty shouldn't every month be an activity month? My challenge to you if you're a parent is to grab your kids and find something active to do on at least 3 different occasions this month (and Halloween doesn't count). I also would encourage you to have at least 5 "family" cooking meals. Whether this is dinner, breakfast on the weekends, or lunch on Sunday. Try and get out and run around and play. Be a kid for a little while. You might just realize how much you've missed the physical exertion.

So that's it puppets. I know this isn't my typical blog, but I'm just getting back to lining up subjects for your entertainment. The next time you see that pudgy kid at McDonalds instead of shaking your head at him, maybe look at the parents. Actually scratch that. You shouldn't be in Mcdonalds anyways. As always Dance!

Mr. J

How will your obituary read?

I have spent the week in a hospital room, and then a hospice room watching my Great Aunt slowly pass away from a stroke. I am to the point of acceptance of what happened, though it does little to ease my mind. I do not have the faith of an after life which comforted my Aunt, and now comforts the rest of my family. She felt she had lived a long and fulfilling life. She more then once said she felt her mother's arms wrapped around her while she laid in her bed. She knew this time was coming. Her last year was spent preparing everything for when this time would come. She invested the majority of her life to taking care of other people. So much so that even when she was in and out of consciousness she stressed about all the details. She wanted to make sure she wasn't a problem to any of her family. Which of course we had under control, and wasn't a problem to take care of her. This is not my first exposure to a slow death. It is however, my first time in dealing with it as an adult. When you're young and this sort of thing happens there is often confusion, as an adult there is more of an understanding even if the helplessness remains. There is often a different role to fill with those around you. Regardless what time of your life you start dealing with death, the selfishness of wanting to keep your loved ones around forever doesn't change.

Anytime you're dealing with death it's hard not to look at life. When I look back over the years that my Aunt and I spent together, I'm fortunate to not have many bad memories. I was always lucky in the fact that she rarely picked an issue with me. She used to get annoyed with me because I would often parent her about her diabetes. I was always harping on her about her food because I cared about keeping her around. She lived with us for awhile in High School, and it used to frustrate me and now it makes me laugh that she used to "hide" candies and stuff around the house. We would find Ho Ho's and candy bars all over the house. My family and I would just shake our heads about it. Honestly, I can only remember one real fight with her. I was 17 and her and my father had (in my opinion) ganged up on me about my lack of religion. Whereas this normally wouldn't have bothered me, it was the manner in which they portrayed me. They treated me as if I was ignorant and a lost soul. They pitied me, and I felt had questioned my intellect. It is the only time I can remember ever being that upset or hurt when it came to my Aunt. I left both of them at her house and ran almost the entire few miles back to my house. We never again discussed religion together.

My best memories of my Aunt are when I would visit up to Indiana from my home in Florida as a child. She would get together with me almost every Sunday I was up visiting. She would take me to Versailles and we would stop at Dairy Queen. She would get a cone and I would get a chili dog. We'd head over to Versailles State Park and hang out at a picnic table area and eat and talk for hours. Occasionally, she would drop me off at the pool for a couple hours. I always looked forward to those Sundays. I wish now that I would have let her know how much it meant to me that she took the time out to get to know her great nephew. I will remember her as a caring, loving woman that gave a lot of her time to taking care of other people till she needed to be taken care of. I'll remember how fat she made all her pets! How much she loved nature and music. I'll laugh when I think back to every time I drove her somewhere no matter how slow I drove she would hold the door like we were in a Dukes of Hazzard car chase. Or how she drove her mobilized chair with reckless abandon. She'd crash into her walls, and anything in her way including her obese little lap dog that couldn't get out of the way quick enough.

She will be missed by everyone from her sisters to her great great nephew. My son was lucky enough to have known her in his life. I can take comfort in the fact that before she passed every single one of us was there at one point or another to tell her goodbye and that we loved her. When it comes to death and loved ones this is rarely the case. She didn't die alone and we all know she was able to see how much all of us cared and were there for her in the end. So while I'm sad at her passing, I have to be happy that she got a final sendoff from everyone that loved her.

I look at my life and think what have I done yet? When I pass what will my friends and family remember? Have I represented the me that I think I am? While I am aware of how morbid of a thought this is, I want you to share it with me. So puppets, here is your homework. I want you to look at your life right now as is, and think or write down what you would want people to remember about you. Are you living that life now? What would you need to do to get to that life? See if it shakes anything up in your life. If you're sick of your rut, what about yourself could change that? Well, I hope you take this as deeply as I am, and if it can change anything in your life then I feel I'm doing what I should be. And for a change slow dance with a loved one tonight.


Mr. J

Child Obesity or Child Abuse?

*I understand this will be a sensitive subject and will most likely upset a portion of my readers. That being said, the time to start looking at this area has long since past and something has to change. All I ask of you as a fellow parent is that you read the whole thing before allowing your natural defensive nature to over ride what is being said*

Recently I was at home relaxing one night when I get a text from my cousin.

"Guess what my sis got to eat."

I'm not going to lie, my first reaction was to roll my eyes then exhale as I worried about what I was going to read. It was worse then I expected.

"A Big Mac Value Meal!"

It was then I thought I might explode!

I guess I should explain. The girl we're talking about is 10 years old and 106lb! I have sat back for years now and bit my tongue on my little cousin and her health. Now don't get me wrong. I know it's not HER fault. She's a child. She has no choices about the food she's given. I'm also sure if you asked her mom about her weight she would tell you she isn't that bad off. This is part of the problem. I read a study published last month on childhood obesity and the parents perceptions of their child's weight.

Here is the link to the article. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37838149/

Here is what was found in the study.

Most parents don't realize if their preschool-age child is overweight or obese, a new study suggests.

The results show 71 percent of participating parents with overweight or obese toddlers misperceived their child's weight, identifying it as either a healthy weight or lighter than healthy weight.

Did you catch that last part? LIGHTER THAN HEALTHY WEIGHT!!!! Compared to what? A baby calf? It went on to say they even had pictures of body types and asked the parents to circle the one closest to their child's.

20 percent of parents with overweight or obese kids actually chose an image that was smaller than the healthy weight image to indicate their own child's size.

That means 1 in 5 parents of obese children feel that their child is smaller than a normal weight child! This ties into my little cousin and her mom's misconceptions. The child is fat because of her PARENTS! It is THEIR fault! Their lack of responsibility, and neglect of their child's well being is the reason she is severely obese for her age. It is also why her health is in serious need of attention.

I'm sure some of you are going "what's big deal, she had a Big Mac Meal?" Let me put it in perspective for you. At 10 years old her DAILY calorie intake should be right around 1600 calories a day. Her Big Mac Meal eaten at almost 10pm at night was 1440 calories (60g of Fat and 95g of sugar!). That would be 90% of her DAILY calories in ONE meal! The study went on to show.

Obese children and adolescents are more likely to become obese as adults. For example, one study found that approximately 80% of children who were overweight at aged 10–15 years were obese adults at age 25 years.The study also found that if overweight begins before 8 years of age, obesity in adulthood is likely to be more severe.

This is very scary for my little cousin since she has been obese/overweight since about 5 years old. And she's not alone in her desperate state. This is a growing concern for our nation. It blows my mind how few athletic and fit kids you can find. I look at these overweight to obese kids and fast forward their lives 10 years and I see the same fat people I see circling the McDonald's drive thru by my club everyday. And herein lies the problem, we've come to accept fat. It's ok to be fat. God forbid we hold ourselves to healthy standards. Don't be pressured to fit the status quo and be thin. Eat that Big Mac meal and pretend only health nut freaks are thin. Blame your genetics, your job, do whatever it takes to convince yourself to take no responsibility for where YOUR health is. That's fine, but when it comes to your children this doesn't fly. They are KIDS. YOU are in charge. They eat what YOU feed them. They're as active as YOU make them.

The Federal Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act (CAPTA) defines child abuse and neglect as, at minimum:

1)Any recent act or failure to act on the part of a parent or caretaker which results in death, serious physical or emotional harm, sexual abuse or exploitation;

2)physical or psychological mistreatment of a child by its parents, guardians, or other adults.

3)the physical or emotional mistreatment of children

Looking at those definitions of child abuse, I have to believe that child obesity is a form of child abuse. The physical harm and health risks that are induced NOT-TO-MENTION the psychological damage imposed on that child warrant attention and possibly counseling and supervision.

Just because you aren't an alcoholic parent smacking your child around doesn't mean that you aren't abusing or neglecting your child. I'm not trying to say parents are maliciously and intentionally abusing their children, but look at the other end of the spectrum. If a child was malnourished, ignorance wouldn't save that parent from being considered negligent. So when you are enabling your child to develop terrible lifestyle habits you're failing to step up and take control of your child's health. By not laying down healthy choices and options for them, how is it really that much different? The biggest difference I can see is only in the perceived immediate harm. Physical abuse is less seen and considered more severe, but obesity is like diabetes, it is damaging and deadly. The reason it isn't thought of in the dangerous nature that it is stems mainly from the fact it's so rampant and widespread. The majority of the population is at minimum overweight, and I'm sure everyone of you know at least 5 people with Type II Diabetes. If your child is going to be diabetic by 15, or by 18 have at least 1-2 heart risk warning signs, how are you not abusing your child or failing as a parent to protect your child and their well being? Isn't that the job of a parent? To make sure that your child is endowed with the best opportunities for a healthy and successful adulthood. Or at least a traumatic free childhood? And yes being fat as a child or teenager is traumatic.

Studies have shown:

Psychosocial Risks

Some consequences of childhood and adolescent obesity are psychosocial. Obese children and adolescents are targets of early and systematic social discrimination. The psychological stress of social stigmatization can cause low self-esteem which, in turn, can hinder academic and social functioning, and persist into adulthood.

How does that not reach the definition of abuse? 3)the physical or emotional mistreatment of children

And if you're one of those parents thinking my kid will just grow out of it when they get to high school and grow taller think again! The study went on to address that issue as well.

"The concept that kids outgrow their weight at some point or another, may have been true maybe 10 or 15 years ago, but more and more we're seeing that once the kid falls into that category, it really tends to be predictive long term," she said. Modern-day tendencies toward less exercise and an overabundance of food might be the culprit behind this shift, she said.

This isn't about assigning blame. It's about realizing the damage that is being done and taking the responsibility to change it. I'm sure you love your children as much as I love my son. It's because I love my son so much that I want the best for him. That means as his parent it's my job to take charge and step up even if that means sacrificing some of my T.V. time, or getting up a little earlier so I can make him breakfast. As parents our lives took a back seat the minute our children were born. We're supposed to teach our children right from wrong, how to manage their money, treat friends and loved ones. So why would teaching them to take care of themselves not be towards the top of life's lessons?

I leave you with this to ponder. What was dinner and play time like when you were a child? I know for me it was go outside and play till I call you to eat, and we had to eat what was cooked for us or go hungry. I don't know what your childhood was like, but I'm sure it was something similar. So puppets hopefully I still have a parent reading base after this, so let's dance to that!


Finally just a little tid bit for you. Upon gathering information for this article I entered my little cousins information into the government food pyramid site, this is the warning that came up with it.

The weight you entered is higher than may be healthy for your age and height. Ask a health care provider about your weight. They may ask about the foods you eat, your level of physical activity, and your family history. They can also determine your rate of growth and check for other health problems.

Laying Down The Gauntlet: Your chance to rise up.

*Disclaimer* This blog will be riddled with and full of testosterone and pure alpha mentality. There will be harsh language and a kick you in your pants get a move on theme! Enjoy, embrace, and do something after reading it!


I realized while writing the goal setting series that it would drive home the point and motivate people to act now on their goals if they had a challenge to push them. I have spent many nights thinking of what great, ultimate challenge I could put forth for you all. I've decided that I can't want it for you. It will be up to you to read this and take action.

I, along with several of my friends had a realization two weeks ago. It was after we had competed in the Warrior Dash (www.warriordash.com) in Joliet, IL. I remembered something that I had forgotten about myself. I love the feeling of pure physical exertion and being challenged! Now don't get me wrong. I know I love competing, I just forgot how great it felt to do it! I wasn't the only one. There were a few of us that had been sitting in a holding pattern the last several months. None of us really had any specific goals outside of completing this race. We had signed up for it in February and basically all went into it with a "hey, let's just finish it and worry about next year" attitude. Boy, let me tell you how off base we were!

The feeling of conquering this course and finishing it alive and strong was incredible! Fire, mud, barbed wire, hills from hell 500 people in our heat alone! What an experience! And even though it was an individual thing, having a group of 7 do it really drove a sense of being a team into us. It lit a fire into almost every one of us since we've gotten back. People in our group are signing up to do fitness shows, 5k trail runs, making goals to see their bodies completely reshaped. We are all laying out new goals and possess a focus that has been missing from us for months! All because of a race that gave us a small glimpse deep down about ourselves when we're being physically and mentally tested. The gratification of looking around seeing everyone covered from head to toe (literally) in mud, looking worn out and beat down, all the while grinning ear to ear was euphoric. This is a race where you finish they give you a viking helmet, a free beer and you can get a huge turkey leg to eat with your mud covered hands! It was then I realized this is life! Not punching a time clock at the factory or going through the monotony of grocery shopping, or washing your laundry. It was a primal throwback to our childhood where you went playing in the woods and climbed things and came home scrapped and cut up. It was like a cold water wake up! I remember watching Fight Club and Brad Pitt's character is looking at the group as it's been growing and tells them what he sees.

Tyler Durden: Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.

It's SO TRUE! What are we doing with our lives that means anything! If you were to die tomorrow (I know it's a morbid thought but stay with me) how would you feel about your life? What would you wish you'd have done? This is it right now your chance to earn your moment of Zen, the "you're effing right I did all that!" moment.

Tyler Durden: You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis.

Who are you? Better yet who do you want to be? Are you over mediocrity yet? This could be the start of the rest of your life if you have the balls to do it. Ladies I'm not just talking to the men. No Y chromosome needed here to dig deep and live. If you've wanted to mountain climb in Colorado, or swim with sharks in California, or hell just once tell that person who keeps walking all over you to take a flying leap off a cliff, you're not their doormat anymore! Then start planning to do it. Write it down. Price it on a website, set your budget for it, get in their face and stand up! No one is holding you back but you.

Don't be defined by your job title, who your friends think you are, who YOU think you are, your role as a mother or father, husband or wife. Step up to the plate and take a giant swing at the fence! Are you sick of your rut, your stand still life enough to say "to hell with what everyone thinks?" Who cares if someone thinks skydiving is crazy and risky? That your investment into a race or show that would set you apart from the hindu cows that will never have the guts to do it, is a waste of money? Who cares! Bottom line comes down to this: you're born alone you sure as hell die alone, what are you going to have done in between?

The first and greatest victory is to conquer yourself; to be conquered by yourself is of all things most shameful and vile. ~Plato

Your homework puppets is to evaluate your goals and your life and figure out what the hell is going to come from your new found fire and energy! What have you done today to set yourself apart from the herd?

Well, I'm off to rent fight club and kill a bear with my bare hands! As always dance around a big bonfire with your friends!



Mr J

What The Heart Wants: Step 5 putting your heart into it!

The Law of Contrast states "There will always be people stronger, learner, faster, more talented and more genetically gifted than you, so compare yourself only to yourself not to others." Basically folks, the only way to be happy and satisfied is to look at yourself and only yourself.

"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." Theodore Roosevelt

I'm starting with this because I want you mentally prepared for this final step in setting your goals. This is the step that will decide how good your chances for success really are. Steps 2, 3, and 4 were follow the blueprint, stereo instructions. They are important to the whole process and they are necessary, but Step 5 is the heart of it all, literally. This step will be the one that really personalizes everything for you up to this point. Do not proceed lightly.

Nietzsche, " If you have a strong enough WHY you can bear almost any HOW."

When I was 13 years old I was told about the All Sports Award that my Jr High gave out. It was given out at the end of the year to all 8th grade students who had 6 athletic letters. I was told how difficult it was to obtain this prestigious award, having to letter 6 times in just 2 short years. It was then I knew I HAD to have it! I had an uphill battle entering 8th grade with only 2 letters (CC, and Track) to my credit. This meant that if I wanted this exclusive award not only did I HAVE to make the basketball team that year (after being cut the year before), but I would also have to make the wrestling team!

I had spent the whole summer learning more about basketball and practicing so I could make the team. I made the B team. While its not very impressive it kept me in the hunt for the All Sports Award. Next up wrestling! It was AWFUL guys. I mean I HATED wrestling! I didn't enjoy the practices, my teammates, or the sport itself, but it was a NECESSARY obstacle to endure, and overcome if I wanted that award. I ended up wrestling enough matches to earn my letter (went 3-0!). Then track season came and went and it was finally end of year awards! I can tell you of all the accomplishments athletically that I have achieved before that day and even after, NONE of them have filled me with the satisfaction and sense of accomplishment that getting that trophy did! I still have it. I have never put up my high school and college MVP's, my school record awards (high school and college), or my All-American award, none of it. But my All Sports Trophy is always there. It meant so much to me because I had WANTED it so badly, and I had to overcome and endure a lot to get it. Earning that trophy was the driving force of my whole 8th grade year.

The point of that stroll down memory lane was to hopefully make all of you think back to something in your past that you too really, really wanted. Then think of all you had to do or better yet what you had to overcome to get it. How did you feel when you did? Tying emotion to your goals is the ONLY way to make them happen. Without your emotion involved your goals just don't hold the same importance. Bob Proctor in his Goal Achiever program says, "The moment you get emotionally involved with your goal, it instantly and automatically begins to move into physical form."

Think right now of what you want goal wise. Now, answer this: 1) what's important to you about reaching your goal? 2) WHY is it important? The reason why you want your goal is the PURPOSE of the goal!

When I sit down with clients I can almost always tell who is going to succeed by the way they talk to me about what they want. Sure everyone says "I want to look better, feel better, and be healthier." Those are empty, surface answers that they've been trained to say. It's when I can get them to tell me their why's that I can tell how well they will do. I have had a near 400lb, burly, tattooed man cry when he told me he wanted to lose weight because he was tired of being the fat guy. I had one woman tell me she wasn't going to quit until she could have sex with the lights on! Everyone has a different reason for WHY they want something. It's not just finding that why, but understanding the reason it's important to you. That will keep you on the path to making it happen.

As one client put it (after losing 153lbs) "I can trace all that I've done in the last two years (weight loss, career, and lifestyle) back to one single moment. It was stepping on a scale and seeing 368lb! The switch just flipped. I said this is ENOUGH." He immediately started doing whatever it took to start moving towards a new body and ultimately a new life.

Another client told me, "After talking with you, I realized I, ME, had the power to change who I was inside and out. I think that was the selling point. Realizing the ball was in my court and I could go as far as I wanted. I was my only road block."

Both people have not only accomplished their initial goals, but have totally surpassed what they thought was possible! The reason they were so successful was because they were attached EMOTIONALLY to their goals! It was tied to their cores. That slice of pizza, the skipping a workout, or sleeping in late on the weekends didn't matter when compared to what was motivating them. They each had their own All Sports Trophy they were chasing. No one can ever take their success away from them.


So where I could sit here and give you lollipops and sunshine all day. I've decided to go with a more direct approach and put the responsibility on YOU. The ONLY person in this whole process that is of any importance. No matter how much I want it for you, nothing will happen until YOU want it for YOU. Your final homework assignment will be to take your BEST BODY goals, your time line, and all your short term goals, and REWRITE them ALL with as much emotion in them as possible. Remember the deeper and more personal you make it, the stronger your chances of attaining them will be.

I want you to write your Daily, Weekly, and 90 day goals down on at least 3 index cards. I want you to put one by your bed, one on your bathroom mirror, and keep the last one in your pocket or purse. Then I want you to read them out loud to yourself at least first thing in the morning and right before bed for a minimum of 21 days STRAIGHT. It may seem ridiculous, but it is so important for your subconscious and for you to hear them and remember them. You do anything for 21 days straight and it becomes a habit. Not only that guys, but if you read them and see them everyday you will be accountable to them. How are you going to eat a quarter pounder with cheese and then read about that size 4 you want to be in?

If you really want to maximize your results, write affirmations of them. It's very important that you write them in PRESENT tense! Write them as if they have already happened. Example: I am so happy I'm wearing my size _____ shorts! Read these every chance you get! Your subconscious only operates in the now. If you put your affirmations as future tense they will stay exactly there, IN THE FUTURE. We are dealing in the NOW.

One more thing! I want you to tell as many people about your goals as possible, mainly your 90 day goal. This will make you so accountable you don't even know! How will you face that coworker, your spouse, or your friends when they ask you how you're coming along with your goals? I guarantee it will keep you going to the gym and eating better. When other people know your goals you can't keep them secret. You have to be accountable for them. They don't need to know your WHY's, they just need what your goals are. If no one knows you want to lose 25lbs then no one will be any wiser if you don't. You will be giving yourself wiggle room to fall short all over the place!

I hope that through this whole 5 step process you have actually taken the time to assess yourself. I know if you have then you've come to a deeper realization about who you are now and who you want to be. I am also hoping you take these steps and utilize them as the blueprints to an improved you that they can be. These steps aren't just for your fitness goals either. They can be applied to any goals in your life! Stay tuned for my personal challenge to all of you (including myself) that I will be posting next week! I appreciate all the time that you have invested to this learning process and thank you for following along.

I leave you with this.

Now that it's all over, what did you really do yesterday that's worth mentioning? Coleman Cox

and as always till next time, DANCE!

Mr. J

Eating an Elephant One Bite At A Time: Step 4 Short term goals

Parkinson's Law states "A task takes as long as there is time to do it." Or basically, "Work always expands to fill the time allowed."

Without the pressure of a deadline you will justify missing workouts, and cheating on your diet. You'll tell yourself you have plenty of time. Which is exactly why you need short term deadlines to motivate you. This is what Step 4 is for. With the pressure of a deadline in front of you, you'll know you can't miss workouts or scarf that pizza!

You've set your BEST BODY goal and you've set your time line, now it's time to lay out the check points on the road map to your destination! You will need these checkpoints to keep you motivated, focused, and most importantly, on track. I'm sure that for some of you after Step 3 you are a little discouraged, intimidated and annoyed that your best body is going to take longer then you wanted. DON'T BE! This is a JOURNEY! It is not just a physical one, but also a mental one. You are going to be overhauling a lifetime of bad habits. Hopefully, if you have learned one thing so far it's that this is NOT a quick fix, but a LIFESTYLE change. This is the step that will make your journey a lot less daunting, and more manageable. If you are only looking at the "big picture" it can be unsettling to realize how much farther you have to go. This step is designed to alleviate the stress of your transformation.

12 MONTH GOAL
For some of you your 12 month goal will be the same as your ultimate goal (BEST BODY). For some of you it will be close to the last check point in your journey. If your goal is to lose over 100lbs that is going to take at least 12 months. Don't even attempt to do it faster (or expect it to happen faster.) The 12 month goal point should be based off your calculations of where you should be after doing the homework of Step 3. If it's not done, what are you waiting for? Go back and finish it. This goal point for a few of you will be a maintenance point. I know a year is a long ways away, but we're working backwards from farthest to shortest to maximize your results!

90 DAY GOAL
This is probably the MOST important of your short term goals. It's the best time frame to motivate you. It's short enough that it's tangible (vs. a year from now), but long enough that big changes can happen. As you learned in Step 3 you can make a lot happen in this time frame. To recap (if you weren't paying attention in Step 3) in 90 days you could lose up to 6% body fat and 12-24lbs! That would definitely throw some gasoline on your fire! Most people never even give themselves this much time to succeed. It usually is 2-4 weeks and then they haven't gotten the results desired so then its Quitsville! How sad that they never gave themselves a real chance to change and see results. This a very important goal point. So please take the time to really think about what you can accomplish over 90 days. This will come into play heavily at the end of the next and final step. So if you didn't get that there might be a final project at the end of all of this I'm telling you now you will want to have all the steps completed when we wrap up with Step 5.

YOUR WEEKLY GOAL
There are several reasons why having weekly goals is important. For starters you will be able to have immediate feedback on a weekly basis on if you are doing the right things. You will also be able to adjust quickly if you are not producing the results you want. This also means if you are getting good results you keep doing what you've been doing. Setting your weekly goal is very simple. When you look at your 90 day goal take the totals for those 3 months and divide them out by 12. This will be how much weight and body fat you will need to lose weekly. Having weekly goals will also keep you getting in the gym and eating right. It is a short time line. In 7 days you do not have time to miss a workout, or cheat on meals. It will reflect on your weekly weigh ins, measurements, and body fat tests. It will be the 2nd most effective point of focus for you. Which leads me to the most effect short term goal to staying on track!


YOUR DAILY GOALS
In order to stay on track to your weekly, 90 day, 12 month, and your BEST BODY goals it all starts with what you do EVERY day! That is why your daily goals (which will become your daily habits) are the foundation of all that we've talked about. You need to have daily habits that will keep you on track. I realize that your 12 month goal and even your 90 day goal can see very far off and seem like a whole lot of work ahead. Your daily goals are the ones that will keep you the most focused on the here and now. It's said that 99% of our daily actions are habit. This is where you should write out what daily habits you want. If you want to get up early, prep your food for the day, or make sure you get that cardio session in this is where it all starts. Write these things down. Trust me it helps. I tell my clients all the time to look at today. I often advise people to be in the moment. If you're at lunch with friends, before you stick that fork of food in your mouth ask yourself, is this hurting me or helping me right now? You will stay way more in tune to your goals this way. If you look at eating clean as giving up cake forever then you will really, really want cake NOW. But if you were to look at it in the way of your daily goals, you only have to eat clean today. It makes a difference if in your head you can still see the possibility of that piece of cake in the future. If you make a to-do list of daily things to accomplish it will ensure that you reach your weekly, 90 day, and 12 month goals.

Your homework (if it isn't obvious yet) is to write down on paper: Your BEST BODY, 12 month, 90 day, weekly, and daily goals. Get it on paper, or an index card, just make sure it is down, it's readable, and real. Step 5 will be the final piece of the puzzle. I promise you after you read Step 5 and apply it to the other steps you have completed you will NOT fail to reach your goals! Be prepared to look deep and honestly into yourself. Step 5 will be the most personal part of all the steps. No one will be able to answer or fill in the blanks for you in the next step. I will be posting Step 5 no later then Tuesday! So puppets till then as always DANCE!


Mr. J

Estimated Time of Arrival: Step 3 in the goal setting process

"Rome wasn't built in a day," and your new body won't be either. Most people I speak with when setting goals have one common flaw. They lack an understanding of time and its role in reaching your goals. So part 3 is going to help you set a time line to unveiling that BEST BODY EVER!

There are only two rules to this section. 1) You must have completed the homework assignments in Parts 1 & 2 in order to proceed. If you haven't take a little bit of time and finished them go back and finish before moving on. It'll totally be worth it, otherwise this step won't work. 2) No discouragement is allowed PERIOD. This means if you realize that it might be 6 months, 1 year, 2 years, or even 5 years to reach your final goal you have to stay the course and stay focused on the prize! It may seem overwhelming when looking at the whole process. I will teach you how to focus on short term goals along the way to keep you on track to your ultimate goal.

Most people don't have unrealistic goals, more like unrealistic time lines. To be honest it's not really their fault. With shows like the Biggest Loser, magazines and their 30lbs in 30 days, or any quick weight loss program out there advertising an unhealthy weight loss. It's hard to know or have the education to realize what is not only realistic but what is also healthy. Healthy weight loss is about 1-2lbs a week. In some extreme or morbidly obese situations 3-5lbs is allowable (for a short period of time.)Now that is not what some of you want to hear. Especially when you see these HUGE weight losses of 100lbs in as little as four months on shows like the Biggest Loser. I can see how 2lbs a week would seem painstaking, but you're not looking at the big picture here. You don't have 4 hours a day to exercise. You also don't have someone watching what you eat. No TV cameras documenting your triumphs and pitfalls. Still if you stop and think about it 2lbs a week would be 104lbs in a year. How big a difference would that make in your life if you have that much to lose? It would be a totally new life! Every client I have ever trained that lost 100lbs or more and kept it off did it right. Once we set the goal and got a realistic time line they went to work and chipped away steadily till they got there.

What I mean by doing it right was they worked on what was their issues. They fixed problems. I often ask people if they would rather treat the symptom or the problem? They usually have no idea what I'm talking about. What they don't realize is the reason they have failed (or produced undesirable results) in the past was because they were treating the symptoms. When you go to the doctor would you like him to treat your cough or your bronchitis? Same thing goes in weight loss. Those fad diets, pills, and gimmicky crap all prey on your desire for a quick, easy fix. The same way that cough suppressant will curb your coughing, but not heal the infection. Being overweight is a symptom. The problem isn't the weight as much as it is the inability to eat correctly and workout.

So now that we're going to focus on our problems and not our symptoms let's talk realistic time. I wish I had a hard and fast rule for you on what you can expect, but honestly, everyone is different. Factor in that not everyone reading this is wanting to lose weight, and that makes it a bit more difficult to narrow down a formula. So I'm going to split it into two separate groups with a "generic" rule of thumb for each.

Weight Loss Group.
Alright, you've tackled the biggest obstacle so far; ACCEPTANCE. You have looked in the mirror sized up where you are. Decided what you want to be (rough draft phase),and have accepted the responsibility to change! Now, what's realistic? Well, generally when sitting down with a client that has 40-100+ lbs to lose I chart about a 12-14 month time line. I calculate a very conservative 3-6lbs a month with about 1% body fat loss. Keep in mind this is VERY conservative! You should be dropping 1-2lbs a week if staying consistent with everything. Now get an estimate of how much you want to lose and where you want to be. Then figure off the 1-2lbs a week formula and get how many weeks it would take to accomplish your goal. Got it? Good. Now hold on to that number for when I get to Step 4: short term goals. It'll make that final number less intimidating, and keep you motivated with accomplishments along the way!

Muscle and Lean Out Group.
You guys are a bit harder to get narrowed down. If you are looking to lean out or add muscle chances are you already workout fairly regular and most likely are in a moderate to advanced state of fit. That means that most of you will have 30lbs or less to lose. As I'm sure you know the closer to your goal you get the slower and harder things progress. There is a reason they say the last 10lbs are the hardest. This is were buckling down and staying very, very consistent is crucial. If you are at the point where six packs and bikinis are the goal then it gets to be a little tougher on setting a time line. Example of what I mean is if you're a guy and you're seeing a 4 pack you're probably less then 12% body fat. Men get full 6 pack abs at 10% body fat. Now, that 2% doesn't seem like it's a big difference, but as you have less to lose it gets harder to take off. Things get tighter from this point diet wise, training wise, and the time to get where you want is focused too. What that means is things might come off slower and you might only loose fractions of body fat and pounds a week. This might lengthen your time line to your goal. There becomes a very small amount of room for error on your part. A realistic time line for someone in this state of fitness is about 45-90 days. In that 90 day time period it's possible to lose up to 6% body fat and 12-24lbs. That can be a MASSIVE transformation! So figure out where you are to where you want to be and calculate based off those figures and that time line. Hold on to that for Step 4.

In summary, Step 3 is about lining up realistic time lines to get to our BEST BODY. Only 2 steps left and then it's time to launch your awesome new plan! Hopefully, you're getting a bit excited, antsy, and I'm sure a little scared. Those feelings are all normal and exactly how you should be feeling! You're about to create a totally new you! That is an exciting time for you! Stay tuned for Step 4 it will be posted Saturday. Your homework from now till then is to put your best body, your goals, along with the time line you calculated down on paper. Yes, it's time to put this in WRITING so it starts to become real. Till Saturday puppets, DANCE!


Mr. J

Raising The Bar: Step 2 in the goal setting process

"The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it" Michelangelo

That quote is going to be very important to the whole goal setting process. Step 2 is the most crucial step in goal setting. If you ignore this step, like most people do, you are destined to fail no matter what you do or how hard you try.

"Most people," says Denis Waitley, author of The Pyschology of Winning, "spend more time planning a party, studying the newspaper or making a Christmas list then they do planning their lives." Zig Ziglar says only 3% of Americans actually take the time and effort necessary to put their goals to paper. So folks this would be the part where paying attention and following through is extremely important!

You need to have clearly defined, and WRITTEN goals!

So here we go now that you have looked in the mirror and assessed yourself. You know where you are, along with what you have in your head as your best body ever (if you didn't do your homework in step 1 don't read on before completing.)

Seriously, go get it done first.....

The next step folks now that you've looked in the mirror at the present is to look to the future. It's time to aim high! Go big or why bother? Now that doesn't mean setting a 4 minute mile as a goal if your best mile has been 20 minutes. What it means is don't be afraid to set some high, somewhat scary goals. People shrink away from setting lofty goals for a couple different reasons. One reason is they want the wiggle room to slack off. Look, if your goal is to get six pack abs that would mean that there is basically no room for error or cheating in your diet. So someone that likes the idea of having a six pack but doesn't want to give up their cheesecake three nights a week isn't likely to set getting a washboard stomach as their goal.

The other reason people set lower goals is because they fear the emotional drain of failing or falling short of it. Now I think this is all wrong. Tony Robbins once said "there are no failures in life only results. If you don't like the results you're producing then do something different." I often talk to people at the club and they are telling me how they don't expect to overhaul their bodies. They just want to get in and "ease into it". They don't expect anything big to change. WTF?! I mean seriously what do you expect to take away from coming to the club then? They say this out of fear and insecurity. They don't want to set themselves up for failure. If they never go big they never have to worry about falling short.

I'm sure everyone has heard the quote "Aim for the moon if you miss you'll land among the stars." Sure it's a bit cheesy, but it's an excellent philosophy. Let's say your goal is to wear a size 2. You're a size 18 and a 12 is the smallest you've been since 8th grade. So you go about doing everything you can to attain this goal and at the end of the time you've allowed to get to this goal you're a size 4. Did you fail? Absolutely not! You are much smaller and most likely more fit then you've ever been. You obviously have made good habits into a lifestyle and have completely overhauled your body in the process! Does it mean you should stop what you've been doing and not keep trying to get into that 2? No, it doesn't. It just means that at the end of the time you set for yourself you were a little short, but still leaps and bounds ahead of anywhere you've been before. This should be super encouraging! You're producing results and they are good results! How far would you have come if your goal was a size 10? It is slightly smaller then your smallest, but not big enough of a goal to scare you or push you into really working hard! You would've had wiggle room. But a size 2? Yeah no wiggle room. Changes would HAVE to be made and discipline stepped up in order to be that much smaller. That Tony Robbins quote up above applies to when you're producing good results. Keep doing what you've been doing!

Homework from step 2 is to sit down and think about what your goals are going to be. Now that you've envisioned your best body ever, WRITE DOWN what it is going to be. Have your BIG goals on paper before step 3. In step 1 you got your starting point. Step 2 is finding your destination. From here out I'm going to show you how to build the road map to that destination! This is where we separate the dreamers from the believers. You have till Thursday to get your goals on paper before step 3 is posted. Don't worry if you aren't exact with your goals. Think of this as the rough draft stage. Just get your main goals on paper. Till Thursday puppets. DANCE!

Mr. J

The Mirror Test: Step 1 in the goal setting process

This is the 1st step in a mini-series of blogs on goal setting so you can get started on moving towards the things you want! If you apply these steps I promise you will not only be able to feel confident you can set powerful goals, but you will know how to go about it in a way that will help make them happen. This is focused on the fitness side of life, but the steps are applicable to ALL aspects of life.

It's official! Summer has started to poke it's head out, and the thoughts of skimping down to minimum clothing are starting to creep in. I've got to ask, are you ready? The reason I ask is I want to see how many of you are excited to bust out that bikini or rip your shirt off at the pool this year! On the other hand how many of you will be shying away from the water activities or your summer shorts and tanks? How many summers of holding back in a row will this make for you? Are you annoyed, ashamed, or frustrated enough to change it this year? If you're ready to to do it this is your first step in getting that confident, slimmer body you have been daydreaming about.

You see it on magazine covers, infomercials, and fitness ads all the time "build your best body now." I, like I'm sure many of you, just pass over that without giving it a thought. After a weekend in the sun, and basking my white body to the world it's got me thinking. The question that I'm pondering is, what is YOUR best body?

Guys do you think of your best body as a ripped up Arnold in his prime? Built like a Terminator barely containing your muscles with your puny clothing? Or do you think of it more like Ryan Reynolds in Blade: Trinity so lean he looks like an anatomy picture with skin pulled tight over it?

Ladies is yours a skinny mini, long and lanky build like Gisele Bundchen with her Victoria Secret body? Or is it a shredded out Demi Moore in G.I. Jane with her awesome shoulders and arms cut out? Rip out like that and women would worry if they should even glance at your man for fear what you might do to them.

What I'm posing today to all of you out there is for you to sit for a minute and actually think about what you feel YOUR best body could be. I mean get in front of the mirror strip down naked (even those of you that hate naked) and take 3,5,10 minutes and look over yourself. Don't be afraid to be critical, or even honest with yourself. If you're carrying more body fat right now try to visualize a scalpel cutting all that extra fat off to reveal what is hidden underneath. If you're thin image what you can do with your frame. Could you pack some muscle on and look solid? Or lean out to your smallest size since your first kid popped out? Men, what about eliminating the summer of the potbelly? Regardless of where you are at the biggest factor in this exercise is for you to think about YOUR body, and what it COULD be.

When people set goals they tend to look at other people for what they want to look like. The thing I try to suggest is look around to what you would want, then look at you and think what can I accomplish? Most of the people I deal with on a day-to-day basis have never been fit, or it has been so long since they were fit they don't remember that body. Take a second and think back to when you were at what you felt was your best to date. How did that body feel, move, look? Go ahead take a minute and reminisce. I know when I think back to my best body, I almost forget how great it felt. I look back now and think about how much I miss putting on any fitted clothes and not worrying if it looked like I was hiding a small inner tube under my shirt. I miss looking in the mirror and seeing my six pack smiling back at me (or maybe it was my smile for seeing my abs?)Regardless, it has been awhile since I could look at myself and say I like what I see. How about you? When was the last time you looked in the mirror and thought "hot damn! I look good!" Have you EVER been able to do that?

If you've never been able to say that then this is going to be a bit harder of an exercise for all of you that have NEVER really been fit. That doesn't mean there wasn't a time looking back that you didn't feel good about yourself and your body. This is why this step is about YOU and your ideas. When I sit down with a lot of people they immediately assume what I expect them to look like or what I'm going to do to their bodies. They come in with a preconceived notion of a cookie cutter fitness world that I'm going to try and cut them out of. I'm often met (by men and women alike) with "I don't want to add any muscle, or bulk up." Or "I'm not expecting to look like I did when I was young." When I hear people say these statements three things run through my head: 1) You have no clue what you're talking about. 2) How do you know what I'm going to do with you? 3) How do you know what you can achieve if you've never done it before?

First off, lifting weights is not limited to bodybuilders, models, athletes, men, or young people. It is beneficial for ALL people. Lifting weights does not equate to "bulking up". People often tell me they don't want to add any muscle they just want to "tone up". They don't realize that "toning up" and adding muscle are practically one in the same. Second of all, don't assume what is possible. Just because you've never been a size 6 doesn't mean it's an impossible goal. Here is a quote that I want you to not only read, but let it sink in and really think about how it could apply to you in the way of setting your goals.

"It's never too late to be what you might have been" George Eliot

Here is your homework for the weekend those of you that are ready to bust out the new you! Take the mirror test. Stand in front of that mirror and see the finished product! Step 2 will be posted Monday folks, and it won't be useful to you if you haven't done step 1. I tell my clients we can't plan anything if we don't know where we're starting from. So this weekend's assignment is just that, finding your starting place. Stay tuned for step 2. Now DANCE puppets DANCE!


Mr. J

The biggest thing missing from your workout: INTENSITY

I have been sitting here debating on what to bring to your dinner table discussion next. Then after talking to one of my clients she suggested I write about workout intensity. This came about because apparently she was in her cake class last week when a discussion broke out about working out. She went on to explain that it was a very irritating and frustrating discussion for her (by-the-way this is a MASSIVE understatement.) She said listening to her classmates talk about what they did for workouts blew her mind. Mainly because she was amazed at how misinformed they were about exercise and nutrition. She couldn't believe how little they did in their workouts while thinking they worked hard. She has pointed out on many occasions how much it bothers her when she sees people doing so little in their workouts at our club. When she is in training sessions with me she will constantly look around and shake her head when she sees it happening. Especially one guy in particular. He usually does one set of bench press then sits on the edge of the bench for about 5 minutes before doing another set. In fact, she despises his sloth like workouts so much she requested a different workout time for fear she might just kill him for occupying a piece of equipment for 40 min while wasting his time and keeping others from using it.

Whereas I can relate to her frustration with people like that in the club, I find it to be more of a confirmation that people still don't get it. My client has a legitimate point here in regards to people's ignorance with exercise. She also has first hand knowledge of what it is like to be in their shoes. When she started training with me she shared many of the same ideas on exercise as the people frustrating her now. It has been a hard fought battle for her to not continually get wrapped up in media hype or diet and exercise frenzies. I've personally watched her wade through trial and error and even denial until finally acceptance. In fact, she wanted me to stress the fact that she realizes how much misinformation she bought into and how misguided she was at that point. I want to point out what a BAMF she has become now though. She has gone from an out of shape mother of three to a lean, fit, exercise machine inside of 10 months. She just completed a Mini this spring, and has the warrior dash on her plate next month. So as a trainer/educator it has been really exciting to see such a transformation! I'm very proud of the hard work she continues to do to improve herself.

Getting results is one of the biggest obstacles for most people when it comes to working out. They have great intentions, big goals and lots of steam behind them when they start. Then they get in the club and hop on an elliptical or any other piece of cardio equipment and just go for 30min to and hour then leave feeling they really worked out. Some people become as I like to call them "cardio kings and queens". You've seen these people. They get in the club and spend 30 min on the treadmill, then they get on the elliptical and do another 30 min, then they move on to whatever piece of cardio equipment is left and do another 30 min! Whereas they think they are doing a great workout and really putting in an effort, they are only half right. I can't tell you how many cell phone walkers I see on a daily basis. I mean how intense is your cardio workout if you're able to chit chat on your cell while you're doing it? Sadly, after a few weeks to a few months of doing this with minimal to no results they quit.

This also goes for the "weight lifter" that is doing one set then talking for 5 minutes with some other "lifter" before doing another set. Where's the intensity? Where's the my heart might explode, I feel put through the ringer beat up intensity? Now I know that may scare some of you off. You're probably thinking "my god that sounds awful". Trust me, it is awful to some degree. It is also very rewarding in that fact that you really worked hard and KNOW it. I love when someone tells me how much a workout sucked, but that they really feel good they did it. Exercise is not easy. If it was you'd see a lot more fitness model looking people walking around, and a lot less stay puft marshmallow men waddling around. I realize that may be a bit harsh, but take a look around the next time you're sitting ANYWHERE, and count how many fit people are in the room. I bet you'll only need one hand.

Exercise doesn't have to be miserable or boring. I have a great time in my workouts. I always do my best to avoid routine by doing new and challenging combination of exercises. I'm also about efficiency. I don't spend 2 hours working out, and you don't need to either. My workouts general last anywhere from 15-30 minutes MAX. I try to push the intensity in my workouts so that my heart rate is elevated the whole time. I only rest when I ABSOLUTELY have to. By training like this I benefit in two different ways. One: I push my muscular endurance and increase my cardiovascular capacity. This means I don't have to do much IF any additional cardio work. Two: My workout time investment is low. Do you realize that three 30 minute workouts a week is less then 1% of your total week? That means over 99% of the time you're doing something that isn't working out.

I'm not going to sell you on the 8 min workout or the 20 min Pilates tape. The 30 min workouts I'm talking about are INTENSE. The reason those tapes and programs exist is primarily because as instantaneous, lazy Americans we want something that isn't going to be hard and require lifelong committment. No ab lounge will ever get you 6 pack abs. The perfect pushup/chinup, thigh master, gazelle, bowflex, reebok shoe are nothing but gimmicks designed to take advantage of our gimmicky society. I hate to tell you, but there is no such thing as quick, painless, and easy when it comes to getting and staying fit. Getting fit and staying fit comes from hard work, dedication and consistency. Sadly these are traits that are fast disappearing in society today.

When my workout partner and I enter the gym our conversation time is over. It's not a social gathering. We talk in the car or on the run to the club and we chat after. We are there to workout. Oh, we might say the occasional "this sucks" to each other joking around. But seriously, by the time we're done we have usually accomplished more in our 20 minute workout then that guy talking on his cell will accomplish in his entire 2hr workout/conversation.

Now don't get me wrong I understand that not everyone is an athlete. I also know a lot of you are just getting started with an exercise program. My suggestion to you would be to train to your experience and fitness level, but do it at a high intensity level. An example of this would be someone that isn't familiar with free weights, but feels comfortable with machines. I would advise that person to go into their club and pick 3-5 of those machines and do as many rounds as they can complete in say a 20 minute time frame resting only when they have to. This would be a very safe and easy technique workout for a beginner. The thing that kicks it up a notch is the fact that even though they are doing simple exercises the lack of rest time increases the difficulty and the effectiveness of the workout.

I'll leave you with a quote from one of the actors from the movie 300 (haven't seen it? Go rent it!). Craig Ballantyne was hired to come up with a training program to whip the actors into the Spartan warriors they would play. He was hired because of his unique and effective training motto: Train like your life depends on it! Michael Fassbender was interviewed about the intense and challenging workouts the actors were being put through to get ready for their roles. When asked how he felt about it he responded, "if your workout doesn't scare you a little bit, maybe you aren't training hard enough." I couldn't have said it better myself

I challenge my readers to step up your workouts by pushing yourself to what you think is your limit, then do 5 more!

For a fun, intense workout you can do the W.O.D in my club or go online to crossfit.com and try one of their workouts of the day. Try this for a week and see how much you change and grow, while best of all getting results! Now dance puppets!!

Mr. J

It's not my fault part 2

This is the 2nd part of my Personal Accountability In Society blog. This section will be more focused on personal relationships and career choices. The main emphasis will be on how little responsibility we take for our decisions and the paths we have chosen for ourselves.


Before I get started the first thing I would like to share with you is an excerpt from a book called How To Win Friends And Influence People. If you've never read it, go to half price books or get online and purchase it. It is a phenomenal book that will help change your perspective on life. Now the reason I am putting this in my blog is to show you that even with as self absorbed and self involved we are in society now, accountability has ALWAYS been an issue no matter what generation. It just seems to be a growing epidemic today as more people are facebooking, tweeting, and blogging (cough..). We're the LOOK AT ME generation. The thing I'm hoping to change is how often we look at OURSELVES and how DEEPLY we do it. So read this little section as a lead into a look at our personal lives.

Dutch Crowley was know as a "cop killer" who would "kill at the drop of a feather." One day he was necking a girl in a car and a policeman walked up to the parked car and said, "Let me see your license." Without saying a word, Crowley drew his gun and cut the policeman down with a shower of lead. Then he grabbed the officer's gun and shot him again. Crowley later wrote, "Under my heart is a weary heart, but a kind one - one that would do nobody any harm."

Crowley was sentenced to the electric chair. When he arrived at the death house in Sing Sing, did he say, "This is what I get for killing people?" No, he said, "This is what I get for defending myself." Crowley didn't blame himself for anything.

Now when I first read that in the book I thought how can someone really be that disillusioned with what kind of person they are. It blew my mind. Here was a guy that KILLED people and he thinks he's a gentle soul? The story continues with an interview with the Warden of Sing Sing prison. He goes on to say how every inmate in there (prison) thinks they're an alright guy that was just dealt a bad hand in life.

Ok, so think about this for a minute. These guys broke the law whether it was theft, assault, rape, or even murder, and they think they were just dealt a bad hand?! How insane is that? I know these are extreme cases, but think about your life and those around you. How many of us have that friend that claims to be anti-drama all the while surrounding themselves with all the 90210 soap opera drama they can find? Or the person that thinks they are a laid back go with the flow kind of person, while having an itinerary for every minute of their vacation? Now while those examples are more of self perception then accountability, they do set the tone for the misguided perception of their responsibility for their lives.

How many of us have had a "bad string of luck?" God knows I have. During the last 15 months of my "bad luck", I have wanted to blame so many of the outside factors completely for it. While admittedly outside factors do play a part, you can't downplay your role in your actions and your state of being. While initially I was going to give outside examples I figured that would be a perfect example of pointing at everyone but me. So I'm going to share a little known failure of mine. I have been embarrassed about this for years and keeping it quiet has kept me from facing it on a larger scale. The purpose of this blog today is to get you to look at your life and take responsibility for your problems. Why should I have to do anything less? So here is one of my biggest failures brought to light to prove to you my dedication to improving myself.

I had an excellent position with a group of guys I cared the world for. I was making good money, and enjoyed the people I worked with. The owners had been dangling a carrot in my face for almost 2yrs about a partnership with their newest club. The club was set to open shortly. Well, when the time came they offered it to someone else seemingly out of nowhere. I was deeply hurt and disappointed. I thought how could they do that to me? I had worked so hard for that opportunity! Shortly after that two coworkers approached me about opening a club with them and leaving where I was at. I got to talking with them and they filled me in to some of the things happening backstage with the owners. After hearing all that they had to say and adding to that my own hurt feelings over what I felt was a low blow move I decided I was in. When word got out to the owners that we had purchased a franchise they fired me. I was pissed! Mainly because they didn't fire the other two people! They owners blamed me for the whole thing. They tagged me as the "ring leader". They stated that something of this scale was beyond my coworkers experience and courage. The two coworkers never spoke up for me either. They let the owners think I had approached them. To top it off, several months later those two coworkers teamed up with a client from the club and opened two clubs of their own. Now the owners and I have reconciled to a somewhat shaky friendship, and I've never spoke to the other two people since. But I lost a tremendous opportunity and the owners ended up losing their three best producers. Not-to-mention all of our friendships were ruined.

Now, I could totally blame everyone involved. Hell, I even did for a long time afterward. I won't lie I even get irritated when I think about it today and that was over 3yrs ago. The one thing I have come to view differently with what happened was the role I played in it. I never had to take that risk and gamble. Had I communicated my hurt feelings to the owners I would have learned they were giving me a percentage in the next club. I would have learned why they decided to hold off on doing it till another club. I let my wounded pride get in my way and I made an impulsive decision based on it. I trusted two people that were in a position to lose a lot less then me. No matter what everyone's role in how things played out it was MY fault for making the initial decisions that set the ball rolling. I can't blame the owners for acting out of hurt feelings when they learned we were leaving them. I can't blame the coworkers for keeping their mouths shut after seeing what happened to me. They protected themselves by letting me take the blame, they kept their jobs and even got better pay. No one's actions were right in the whole fiasco, but I have to be accountable and take responsibility for my role in the part I played.

I've watched friends blame their jobs on everyone but themselves. I've watched relationships go down the drain, and of course it's all the other persons fault. I hear people (and I've said it myself) say "I can't win for losing." When really the reason we keep losing is because we fail to own up to our actions. No one wants to admit the reason their in a terrible relationship, or career is their fault. Mainly because if it's our own fault then we can't pass the buck. It also means that we're to blame for our misfortune, and misery. We also have to realize that it's up to us to make it better, not some lucky lotto ticket, or magic beans, or greener pastures, but us. So maybe it's time to start setting an example, and pull ourselves out of the mud. I know I want to show my son that even though his father makes mistakes, he OWNS up to them and does what needs to be done to correct them or better yet not repeat them.

If you're relationships are always ending the same way, maybe it's not the other people. Eventually you have to realize you're the common denominator in the equation. Don't be afraid to take a look at you and how you contributed to the downgrade of those relationships. If you have a failing business or it's struggling, maybe it's not the loser employees you hire and fire over and over. Maybe it's your inability to take the blame for making the same mistakes over and over. Take your EGO out of the equation. You are the only one making the decisions that rule your life and it's quality. I'd be a hypocrite to not point out that I am as guilty as the next, but I will say I try to not repeat the same mistakes. I'd rather fail in new and creative ways then to go down the roads I already know fail.

So my challenge to you the readers is to ask you to step back from your ego and pride for a little bit and take a look at a few aspects of your life. Think of a friendship that went south and examine your part in it. Look at the last relationship that ended badly. Look at a business decision that didn't pan out. Are these things fixable? If they are, how could the acknowledgment of your errors change it? If they aren't fixable, then how can your habits be changed so you don't repeat them in the next one? Think about this and the brave of you will move forward and try to mend bridges and make moves to improve your situations. Those few of you that willingly take accountability for your actions and your place in your life will work to fix it. When you start doing it you will undoubtedly find it hard, but remember that you will be moving towards a brighter spot in your life.

I will leave you with two short bits of advice that I have tried to use as basic philosophies in my life. My 8th grade social studies teacher used to tell us "he who trips over the same rock twice deserves to break his neck."

&

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.


I wish you all luck on a journey that will be difficult, but rewarding. If this could mend even one friendship for you, improve your relationships, or even just make your workday better then I have accomplished what I set out to do.


Your feedback or stories are always welcome, and as always puppets DANCE!

Mr. J

"It's a sad day when you find out that it's not accident, or time, or fortune, but just yourself that kept things from you." Lillian Hellman

It's not my fault.

This will be a two part blog on accountability and society. The first part will be an example of one of the biggest problem areas our country is suffering: obesity and exercise. The second part will be how accountability affects us in our lives (friends, career, relationships).

So as I sit here, I've been listening to two people and their completely different perspectives on life. I get to thinking about accountability and the complete lack of it in our society. I guess my first step would be to explain how those two people and their different views got my mind swirling with an assortment of observations. The first of which was the vastly different paths they were on. One is slipping further down a dangerous path that is threatening her health, and her relationships with people around her. The other, is feeling better then he has ever felt and is moving towards his goals at a rapid pace.

I feel one of the greatest faults of my generation (generation x) and the younger generations is the lack of taking a look internally to try and figure out why you are where you are. Whether that is for good or bad. All too often people want to look at their circumstances and blame everyone around them for it. Everyone,that is but themselves. This is something everyone at one point or another does, and for the most part that just makes us human. While I understand this of everyone, it's not the occasional offender that worries me, but more the perpetual offenders that make me cringe.

Let's take the 1st person I was talking about initially. Here is a woman that is 47yrs old 340 lbs. Just attended a diabetic classes this past month, in which initially she lost weight, but then she regained it by the end of class. She works 2nd shift at a hotel. She eats only twice a day. Starting with breakfast (Rice Krispies, toast, banana) then she eats nothing till she gets home from work (10-11pm). Then she has a Weight Watchers meal and some veggies. She claims she "doesn't have time to eat" while she's at work. Her blood sugars are still in the 200s! The biggest surprise is she's frustrated the scale's not moving! When asked about exercise programs she says she has no interest in wanting to exercise, and shows no motivation for it. She complains she suffers "knee problems."

I sit back and think WOW. She is too busy looking at all the things that she feels are to blame for her conditions instead of actually looking at how much SHE is to blame for them. Look, let's be honest here for a moment. This woman is at least 200lbs overweight! It's not like she was walking around one day, rounded the corner and 200lbs jumped on her. She EARNED this weight. She needs to accept that. She needs to realize SHE did this. Unfortunately she isn't doing that. Her work is to blame, her knees are to blame, her metabolism, her genetics. She's pointing fingers in every direction but at the person looking back at her in the mirror.

Now despite what this woman believes she is in fact NOT a special case. She is sadly a rather COMMON case. My best friend (a dietitian at a hospital) and myself get this all the time in our line of work. People are constantly lining up excuse after excuse as to why they can't eat & exercise. I plan on addressing many of those "reasons" in a future blog segment on fitness and nutrition. I will show you why those excuses are, to put it bluntly BS.

But I think the bigger problem here is the lack of responsibility by this woman to acknowledge how much of her situation is a direct result of her laziness and inability to make positive choices. She could choose to pack a protein bar or cook and prep her meals in advance. She could eat a real breakfast. She could get more calories in and not eat a prepackaged sodium filled mini meal for dinner. She could go for a walk, or eat a salad with lunch. Bottom line is she chooses to be fat and deconditioned. The saddest part is it's unlikely that she will ever look to herself as the cause of her problems. And let's face it folks, we as a whole don't want to do that. Look at every ad for about anything. We want simple, easy, quick, and most of all painless solutions to all our problems.

Here is the 2nd scenario and the difference of why he is succeeding where the 1st one is not. He weighs 362lbs and works in a correction facility. He has to eat at the cafeteria for money reasons. He works odd shifts. He is borderline diabetic, and only 30yrs old! This man initially came to me and told me he wanted to lose over a 100lbs because he was already having blood pressure and sodium problems. He said he didn't really need my help he just had a couple quick questions. He told me he had gotten a nutrition plan off the internet and was lifting with a friend that was experienced (it should be noted that his friend with "experience" is 5'6" 350+lbs at about 47% body fat, and took a lifting class once in high school 12yrs ago.)This is also a very common case I run into. So instead of trying to argue with this guy all I did was ask what all he was doing and what I could do to help him. I listened to him and I gently suggested some changes. I will give him credit, for what he lacked in education he made up for it by researching and trying to educate himself on everything I told him about. He also has decided that if he is going to do this he was going to stick to it. His discipline, despite flack from friends and family has been incredible. The flack he gets from friends and family is a perfect example of how people want to continue to believe it's not them that is at fault. They see him overcome and push through the boundaries and excuses that they use for themselves and it angers them. They get jealous and bitter because he is showing them and making them see that the excuses and illusions they cling to are just that, excuses and illusions. Unfortunately this is a common theme that people who choose to change have to deal with from people who are unaccountable and unwilling to change.

A true example of this is his friend that he originally started working out with.

His friend didn't want to even talk to me due to his "experience". He felt nothing had changed in over a decade in the field of exercise science. So rather then waste time on this person, I turned my attention back to the gentleman that was open to change and asked him more about the details of his workout plan. After listening to him I offered to take him through one of my workouts. He told me after the workout that he felt like someone had beat him up. He was amazed it only took us about 20min to complete the workout. He loved it and started to ask me more questions about exercise and food. He has continued to get help from me for a couple months now. He finally came to me today and told me that he realizes that "his way" was what had gotten him to almost 400lbs and obviously he didn't know how to get where he wanted. He said since changing his nutrition to what I suggested and doing my workouts vs. working out with his friend he had lost 25lbs to his friend's 5lbs. He went on to say he feels the best that he has ever felt in his life! He couldn't hardly believe it! He said he didn't even know he felt bad till he started to feel good!

Now that is really exciting to hear! He was taking responsibility for all the choices he made that put him in such a serious health risk. He also wasn't afraid to admit that those choices weren't working and it was time to make new ones. Not only did he realize it and accept it, but he actually took the steps to CHANGE it. It's times like this that are so rare for me. I love when I talk to someone that has finally pulled the curtain back to see a giant mirror, and that the wizard pulling the strings is them. I feel like there is hope that more will follow. See for every one good success story I hear there are 30 unsuccessful stories. Unfortunately the common factor in those unsuccessful stories is most often that person and their lack of responsibility for their role in the results they have produced (or not produced).

This guy that is losing weight and building steam as he rockets towards his goals is taking responsibility for his role. He didn't tell me why he COULDN'T eat right at work. No, he sat down with me and we figured out HOW he could eat right at work! The lady that's gaining weight and starving herself is only telling us all the reasons she CAN'T. It's not only that but because of her inability to try and figure out HOW she can save herself, she will continue to kill herself. Diabetes will eventually claim her life if a heart attack or stroke don't first. And sadly before she'll give up that bowl of Rice Krispies at breakfast for that bowl of oatmeal, she'll give you a list of reasons why she can't take the extra 45 seconds to microwave it. You have to wonder when they remove her foot if it will ever occur to her she could have possibly changed this outcome? But most likely she'll sit back and blame her genetics, or some company for not creating a better med for her condition.

Well, puppets, this concludes part one of my observation into society. Stay tuned for part two and how this may help save your relationships, be it with your spouse, coworker, or best friend. And as always DANCE!

Mr J

A glimmer of hope

I was watching TV late last night and I seen a commercial that gave me some hope that maybe this country is letting go of some of the PC that has gripped it for the last 15yrs or so.

I remember watching Super Size Me (if you haven't seen it go get it and watch) and in one segment there was a man talking about how we treat smokers today. He was saying that we've come to the point where if someone smokes we will call them out on it and actually raise a stink about it. We complain of the smell, tell them of the health risks, ask them if they're stupid, in other words we don't hold back. The current passing of many smoking bans has shown that we will not back off on the prosecution of public smoking. Anyways, he went on to speculate how long it would be till we did this with obese people with fast food and unhealthy lifestyles. I found that to be really insightful, in the fact many times a day I hear people complain about their bodies and their weight and then watch them go across (or come from across) the parking lot (there is a McDonalds there), not to mention the McD's bags or cups in the trash around the health club I manage. I got to thinking what if people gave obese people as much of a hard time about eating thier Big Macs as they did smokers for lighting up that cigarette? Think about how that would fly with people. Now the whole point of mentioning all that was to bring you back to the commercial that gave me some hope that this could eventually come about.

So I'm watching TV and this commercial comes on and it is showing all these healthy THIN kids out being active (rollerblading, playing soccer, running around) all in bright vibrant colors (picture lots of reds, yellows and blues) smiling, laughing. Then it goes to a black and white screen with a slightly chunky kid sitting on the couch looking sloppy eating potato chips. Now I didn't have the volume up high enough to hear what the commercial was about, but I was beginning to wonder what they were marketing. Then out of nowhere BOOM! It's a Sunny D commercial.. and I was thinking two things at this point: 1. good for you for not conceding to the growing number of obese children by being afraid to show fit healthy kids in your commercial. 2. kind of ironic that the commercial promoting a healthy lifestyle is from a company that makes a somewhat fake juice that has 130kcal and 30g of sugar PER serving.. but it was good to see someone man up and call attention to a very growing concern with children today.

I think this is an encouraging sign. I hope other companies step up and start showing more of what should be instead of worrying so much about promoting self esteem (a whole other blog subject). Children AND adults need to see something that shows bad habits and poor physicality in a bad light. It's a double edge sword we try and live on these days. We want people to feel comfortable with themselves (career, bodies, lifestyles, orientations) which is good. People SHOULD feel comfortable with all these things no doubt. But on the other side there is the fact that people HAVE become comfortable with this and its now becoming a crutch that society holds on to in order to justify their current state of health. I mean seriously when was the last time you looked around anywhere (grocery store, ball games, anywhere there are people) and seen even 10 healthy and fit people? And now we've come to a point of almost reverse discrimination against healthy people.

Now don't check out on me yet, let me explain. I have worked in offices or been out with people or at meetings and have been given a hard time about eating healthy or not having dessert or for eating multiple times a day. I also get the stereotype that because I eat healthy that I never eat anything "good". "Good" of course means BAD. "Good" is things like ice cream, doughnuts, candy bars, fast food, and on and on. I also get the "I like my food to have flavor and taste good." Yeah? So what, I like my food to be cardboard? It's this stereotype coupled with the "well, I don't want to spend all my free time working out." Neither do I. In fact I try to spend no more time in the club then necessary to complete my workout (generally 20 minutes or so). What they don't get is because I don't want to spend all my time in a gym and I do want to occasionally enjoy a Taco Bell Chicken Quesadilla that that is the reason I eat healthy food more CONSISTENTLY and team that up with a few days a week working out (which total ends up to spending less time then watching your favorite sitcom).

Most healthy people aren't obsessively working out and being self imposed Nutrition Nazis. In fact you'd be surprised at how little effort is required for maintenance once you get to a healthy body type. Things become routine, and not in a bad way. Sometimes routine means less thought needed, less effort planning, less time figuring out what to do. Most of the excuses people use to avoid living a healthy lifestyle go away once they put forth a little effort and try. Of course as your waistline shrinks its gets easier to stay motivated absolutely. But if you ran a company you wouldn't wait to develop a quality product until you had orders for it would you? No. You would develop a quality product so it will sell itself. It's the same thing in developing the body you want. You don't half-ass eating right and working out then if you get results you get serious? That's backwards. You should dive in! Don't be afraid to put the effort in and start big and all out. Why MAYBE get results and hit goals when you could ENSURE you would? All that "easing into it" does for the most part is give people the room for failure and the "out" they are looking for.

Well, there is your food for thought for the day kiddies..

As always DANCE!

Mr. J